Run Julesy, Run Like the Wind!

... So I unwittingly have started to run a nudist colony. I am not happy about it. Juliana will not keep on clothing or a diaper. What started out funny has rapidly turned horrifying. She has peed on almost every surface of this house. No... I do not allow her to run naked. But I am not on top of her, and often I don't know of her nakedness until I have stepped in a puddle or found a crumpled up diaper.

Yesterday she must have gotten undressed 15 times. No exxageration. Yes, she is getting in big trouble. But honestly... what can I do? I can't tape them to her (trust me, I have thought about it, but the tape would hurt coming off... in a few days I may resort to it though). Suspenders? A choking hazard. But also seriously considered.

So last night I was getting very upset and angry. Because she taunts me. She will go to some far away corner and get completely undressed, and then she finds me, throws her arms up, slaps herself in the belly ape-style, and then runs away laughing. And I chase her, but she's a slippery little sucker. I was running after her and Madeline stood on the coffee table in the living room and screamed "Run Julesy run... run like the wind... Mommy's gonna get you..."

And that, people, sums up my life. I'll tell you this... on days like today I would like to "run... run like the wind..."

XOXO

Mommy what are you eating?

If I hear that question one more time within the next five minutes I may actually explode. I often wonder if it's possible for a person to spontaneously combust due purely to the irritation that they are forced to suffer from spouses or children (or cats). Perhaps I am a good test case. Because today my color is red - - for rage.

It has been a rather uneventful day. We went food shopping which is becoming more and more of a challenge because Jules does not want to sit in the cart. Well, she does want to sit in the cart. The actual cart. Not the seat. Where the normal children sit. And today it was total anarchy. Nobody would listen to me. I lost control of the masses and wound up trying to corral 2 little girls around Giant Food. Today I was the parent that used to annoy the hell out of me when I was single. Right down the the costume of unkempt hair, jogging pants and hoodie with a small hole in the front. I looked like I could have just as easily been part of some travelling carnival. Nope. Stay-at-home-Mom attire.

So back to the title, "Mommy, what are you eating?" This question is coming from the same child who follows me around the produce aisle announcing the name of each vegetable, and very clearly stating "I'm not gonna eat that." Makes for a fun day.

Not too much more to say... Judge Judy is on soon and she is most certainly the highlight of my day. I can only hope that neither of my girls ends up on a show like that. Not likely to happen when raised by me. I hope.

Please don't make me eat the GREEN THINGS!!

Okay, so I have heard about these new-fangled blog thingies and I decided to try my hand. (Yep, we are slow to accept new technolgy. My kids are going to be super-excited when we buy them Atari for their birthdays. We don't have a DVR, have never used ebay, and have the world's oldest microwave - - which we plan to bring to Antique Roadshow when it comes to town.)

I figure this... my life has to be worth something to someone or my whole existence may truly be futile.

So... a quick intro. My husband is a Scientist from The Netherlands and we have two daughters. Normally people would say we have two beautiful daughters. But I figure in the interest of full disclosure, if we are going to use adjectives to describe our girls, perhaps beautiful would not be the most fitting. They are very pretty. But there are better ways to describe them. I think for the youngest we could use "stubborn, trying, mischevious, adventuresome," et al. For our oldest the list would change on a daily basis. The adjective du jour would be "whiney." Other words that come to mind are "inquisitive, defiant, sparkly-lipped, girly, smart, talkative," and so forth.

My morning began at 7 AM when our oldest wandered into our room, and while shaking the bed, asked loudly - - How do my LIPS look? We are a bit obsessed with lipgloss at the moment. Blue sparkly Hello Kitty lipgloss to be exact. (Which I have on my white carpets now. How does that even happen?)

Currently, as I pursue the title of Mother-of-the-Year 2009, I am in here blogging while my girls are eating lunch according to my own food pyramid. Today it is Ellio's pizza. Just a quick question... have any of you ever tried to "pick the green things" off of a slice of Ellio's pizza?

Green things are the bane of my existence. I probably spend 1o minutes per meal picking out green things. I start with good intentions but inevitably wind up screaming "they are just green flecks of nothing with no taste... they are NOT EVEN FOOD." Which brings me to my next question... Why the F%@# dos Ellio's pizza even have green things? This is not a vegetable? It serves no nutritional purpose. Come on peeps... let's band together now and exert some pressure on the powers that be at Ellio's pizza to get rid of the green things!

For those of you have have made it this far... I commend you. I would like to say that my thoughts are usually a bit more gathered, but that would be a blatant lie. This is me at my finest. I am a disjointed, scattered, hypochondriac with a talent for nagging and obsessing. (Two VERY valuable skills that are just not given enough recognition.)

For now I bid you adieu. Tune in tomorrow for more about how I met my husband and how our lives have been not so status quo.